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the fork of truth
thethingsunsaid

Around this time last year, I was wandering round circus school in a sad and miserable way, lamenting the doomfulness of performance (or at least my doomfulness at performance). To distract myself, I turned to the internets - and the internets failed me not!


I was reading this interview with Marie Brennan http://www.tor.com/blogs/2013/02/the-pop-quiz-at-the-end-of-the-universe-marie-brennan, when she happened to mention... The Second Defenestration of Prague!


This was an actual historical event.

It is kind of terrible how happy this made me.


For weeks after, in times of stress, I had only to take a deep breath and mutter “the Second Defenestration of Prague” to myself, and my equanimity was once more restored. (Sadly I'm not sure it did as much for the reputation of my sanity, or indeed that of the many, many people whom I regaled with details about it, but I feel this is a small price to pay)


So I thought I should repay the internets with my headcanon version of Prague's Defenestrations! (Disclaimer: these may or may not bear any resemblance whatsoever to actual historical events.)



DEFENESTRATION #1 : Prague 1419


HUSSITES: Let us march in a peaceful procession to protest against the town council and their refusal to release our prisoners!


TOWN COUNCIL: Shameless Hussites. Someone chuck a rock at those guys.


HUSSITES: EXCUSE ME? NOBODY MESSES WITH THE HUSSITES, BITCHES!


TOWN COUNCIL: Whatcha gonna do?


HUSSITES: *throw the Judge, Burgomaster and thirteen council members out of the Town Hall window*


GOOD KING WENCESLAS IV: *dies of shock*



DEFENESTRATION #2: Prague, 1618, The Chancellory of Bohemia



COUNT THURN, LEADER OF THE PROTESTANT LORDS: We have summoned you four Catholic advisors of teh King who is nicking off with our lands to ask you: are you guys responsible for this sharply-worded letter he sent us?


CATHOLIC LORDS: Can we phone a friend?


COUNT THURN: NO.


COUNT THURN AND THE PROTESTANTS: Okay, you two can go. You are clearly TOO HOLY to write nasty letters. * turns to remaining two lords * So, was it you guys?


CATHOLIC LORDS: Yep. Whatcha gonna do about it bitches? Write us a sharply-worded note in return?


COUNT THURN: THIS IS HOW THE BOHEMIANS DEAL WITH NASTY LETTER-WRITERS, MOTHERFUCKERS!


*DEFENESTRATES THEM *


CATHOLIC BYSTANDERS: And the two men miraculously survived by the angels hanging on to their shirt-tails


PROTESTANT BYSTANDERS:...angels in the shape of a large pile of horse manure under the window.


Then there was the one-and-a -halfth Defenestration, consisting of seven dead guys and a portreeve. Not to mention the mysteriously postmodern Third Defenestration. Was he pushed? Did he jump? Does it exist at all? NOBODY AGREES.



Prague, I am jealous of your history.


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